Anger and Despair
by Kell-wa
Summary: When Bella and Alice rush off to Italy to save Edward time doesn't stop back in Forks. Jacob is left to with the fact he doesn't know what might happen...


**A/N: This was my entry for the Take a Walk in my Shoes contest at the Twilight Fanfiction and Fanart Archive. For those of you who don't go there (I suggets you do), the ideao f the contest was to write a scene from the time of Twilight or New Moon from the POV of anyone except Bella. **

**I hope you enjoy my scene and think I stayed true to Jacob.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is Stephanie Meyer's. Not mine.**

Charlie. I liked Charlie of course. He was Dad's best friend, almost like an uncle to me, I couldn't remember a time when it was not unusual to not see him on a weekend, hear Billy talk to him on the phone at least every other day. He talked to me about cars; I still remembered my first ride in the Forks Police Cruiser from when I was four. These days he meant something else as well. He was Bella's father. And this is why, though I had nothing against him personally, I fumed at the thought of Charlie Swan. Of course I had told her I would protect him; the redhead might go to Bella's house if it were not protected. There was no reason for Charlie to be hurt. Nobody wanted that. But I did not want to be protecting Charlie. I wanted to protect her.

The world sped past, blurring. I ran, gaining speed by the second, as if running faster would bring her back. Though I felt the wind, it wiped through my fur, the cool March air did nothing to the burning in my body. Heat, it had become inescapable. While things (I tried not to think of Bella's skin against mine) could cool my skin momentarily, inside my temperature was always raging. At this moment more than ever. Even more than the first time I had changed. It went with the fury. Anger seemed to course through my veins. How I detested my own emotions. Perhaps I was gaining control, perhaps I had more so than even Sam. But the sight of Bella willingly throwing her life away, going with a leech to save the monster that had destroyed her, the horrible feeling of exploding came uninvited. There was no escaping it. I was a monster; I could so easily hurt Bella. But not as much as the vampires. The bloodsuckers she adored so much. I hated myself; I hated the existence of werewolves. But I hated them more.

The small black-haired one Bella insisted on calling Alice had been so strange. Her smell, like the smell of the one we had been tracking, burned my nose. So disgusting, icy and unnatural. Every movement she made was wrong, an inhuman creature made of crystal. And her golden eyes, the sight of them sent all my instincts wild. But I had not killed her, no matter how much I wanted to. She had helped hurt Bella. But hurting her, I knew from the way Bella talked about her, looked at her; it would have damaged Bells more than should be possible. The treaty had been saved. Bella had acted like the bloodsucker was human; every connection made to her, it was as if she had humane feelings and thoughts. And most of the time the leech had acted like it too. But it was just an act I knew. I thought of all the stories I had been told about the Cullens, making the treaty, claiming they were safe. It was ridiculous. Her act had failed; I could see the evil, the thirst, in her eyes. The way she and Bella acted, human was so far from what the creature was. It made me sick, the pretense increasing my anger.

I was deep into the woods now. I felt my feet slow, somehow my inhuman anger was fading. How I could not understand. It flared, the image of the little vampire clear in my mind. A much more beautiful picture replaced it. I wondered how once I had thought one of them attractive. But Bella, her skin was glowing in my mind, as it only did when I made her smile. The rest of the time it was much too pale, as if the depths of her depression absorbed her colour. Her gorgeous brown eyes that seemed to connect with my very core, my mind erased the shadows under her them. The loveliness of this image sent an overwhelming wave of despair over me. I stopped, a beast in the middle of the forests. But perhaps not all a beast. Because that anger, how it felt had been indescribable. I wanted to kill Edward, the one who… I shuddered with rage at the thought of what he had done to Bella. Him and the small one, who willingly was bringing Bella closer to danger as I stood there. But my despair overpowered this. Bella, sweet innocent Bella, who I loved so much, she could be hurt. Be killed. I should still feel angry. But I felt so hopeless. It was out of my power. She would come back or she wouldn't. I couldn't even think of the second idea. She had to come back. Was this why she had been so broken? Could she have possibly felt as attached to the bloodsucker as I felt to her now? The idea of never seeing her smile again, it was incomprehensible. I remembered the light in her eyes when she had seen the vampire's car. Oh yes, she felt like this about him. The thought was so sickening. I wished, I wanted, more than I had wanted anything ever, for her to feel like that about me. Perhaps if I were to have kissed her earlier, would she have still left? She cared about me, loved me even. But was it so different from mine? Did it have to be?

I was trembling. But for the first time in almost a month it was not because of anger. No I was shaking is despair. I had returned to human form, so wrapped in my thoughts I had not noticed. There I was, naked, sobbing, huddled on the ground in the middle of a forest. It was so much like my first transformation. Including the original loss of control. But then it had been in the horror of myself, of my fellow werewolves, monsters brought out of legends. Now it was horror for Bella, and of the vampires, creatures so many times worse than I could have imagined that first night.

I lay there for hours. Anger and despair came in turns, fear and love for Bella, and utter despise of the creatures she loved. And the ones she feared, that she was getting closer to by the minute. She was so selfless, even if the being she was doing this didn't deserve it in the most extreme way.

Charlie. There was only one thing I could do for Bella now. I had been endangering him, endangering the pack even, by staying here for so long. I used my control, practiced for so long over the past month, to push my emotions away. I changed purposefully, and started running. It was a while before I was in reasonable distance for the others to hear me; I had run very far away. I explained what had happened. I did not like their response, unanimous relief that the Cullen had left. How could they not care about Bella? But I said nothing, and allowed Sam to make the appropriate arrangements. As I knew he would, he extended my patrols. I would be able to make sure Charlie was safe. When Bella returned everything would be fine. Her father would be safe; the Cullens would most likely not be there. Perhaps we would be lucky, and catch the redhead by then. Yes, that would be my goal. I wondered how little sleep I could get away with. Everything could be back to normal, as normal as our life could be now, when she returned.

If she returned.

**A/N: I hope you liked it. If you could take a minute to review it would make my day!**


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